lol three sentences
The problem with Stiles was that, not twelve hours earlier, Derek had met the most amazing woman.
Derek had, in fact, taken home the most amazing woman, and he was on his way back with a paper grocery bag full of bacon and peppers and eggs, was in a hurry to get back before she woke up. He had a plan, the beginnings of a plan, one involving breakfast and wooing and asking her to go out with him on an actual date. He was a man on a mission, was the thing; he was kind-of-not-really (all right, not at all) spoken for, had been for approximately ten and a half hours.
Then he ran into Stiles. Literally. Really, truly, eggs smashed on the cement and peppers flying everywhere ran into him, collided with him so hard that they both staggered back a step.
"Oh, ow," Stiles said, gingerly touching his nose. "I think you broke me."
"I think you broke my eggs," Derek said, giving no fucks whatsoever about some clumsy guy’s nose. "You should watch where you’re going."
I wonder when they will stop. These dreams that I have about you when my waking mind has finally stopped thinking about you every odd moment of my days. Confessions of love, embraces, secret words, or even rejection that my mind so loves to dwell on.
The anger I had towards my dream-self was burning. Anger at forgiving you so easily. So easy to forgive because my entire self remembers what loving you feels like.
10 years of this muscle memory that I can’t seem to rid myself of. I can only compare trying not to love you to quitting smoking, which oddly enough I was more successful at doing. A bad habit for 9 years, and it took months of active self restraint to not seek that nicotine rush. It’s been over a year and it rarely crosses my mind. That is exactly what you are to me; a bad habit. One that I’ve held onto for 10 years.
It was over, months and months ago. And then you happened again. I should have known better than to listen to your words. The drunken words that you probably don’t remember. The 3am phone calls that I answered because my body doesn’t know how to ignore you. The only words you wanted to hear me say were ‘I love you’. I don’t think you realize that you’re the only one I’ve ever said that to and have it hurt. You were experiencing a loss and you came to the one person you knew couldn’t deny what you wanted. You got what you wanted and then you were gone again.
I wish I could explain to you how what you did was wrong. No matter how I approach it, it will only come out wrong. I hate that I let myself put up with being used like that.